I have been through a lot of pain in my life, but I wouldn’t want to compare my pain to what other people feel and how they look at the pain they’re going through. I mean, we all have our battles to face. In this entry, I want to share my anatomy or art of moving on. Please don’t judge me on what I think moving on is about. This entry is based on what I observe and see.
I have three questions.
First, “Why do we move on?”
Second, “How does one move on?”
Third, “How long does it take?”
These questions may be easy to answer, but are they easy to do? Somehow, it depends on what you’re going through. Well, this is from my perspective.
Q1: Why do we move on?
Why do we move on? The reason why some people move on is that they think they can forget that person who has wronged them —physically and emotionally. Ergo, we move on to forget.
Am I right, for having this idea being thought by other people sometimes? I mean, through every heartbreak I’ve been through, I’ve realized that moving on isn’t just about forgetting someone. It’s about learning from experience whether or not the memory of that experience is good or bad. If it’s good, then we take it with us in our everyday lives. If it’s bad, we make sure to learn from that mistake. We take it as a new learning experience so that once that situation happens again, we’d know what to do.
So, for the first question, we move on because we sometimes want to forget the things or the people who have wronged us. But usually, we tend to move on to learn and bring those lessons we’ve gathered into a new chapter of our lives.
Q2: How does one move on?
I have been creating this idea in my mind that there are types of moving on. I have three:
(1) Moving on from someone who has passed away
(2) Moving on from someone who became our significant other
(3) Moving on from someone who ghosted you.
(1) MOVING ON FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS PASSED AWAY
An individual doesn’t usually move on easily from this. Actually, sometimes they never will. I have lost someone in my life for nine years now. Still, I haven’t moved on from the pain, the agony of missing him, of longing for his warm hugs, his voice, and his words of wisdom that brings me such comfort.
I have never moved on from that person. Why? Because it’s hard. I mean no one really moves on from this kind of pain. This is a different type of pain and sorrow. What a person can only do is to just accept. Accept the reality that this person is no longer coming back. That he/she is no longer with us. That he/she can never come back. It’s hard to accept this kind of reality because we fear that once we’ve accepted this reality, we’ll be able to forget them.
Let me tell you: you will never forget them. Once you accept that reality, you’ll hold on to those memories with him/her because those memories are the ones that will keep them alive in your heart and in your mind. In short, we don’t move on from the loved ones who are no longer with us on this earth. We simply accept the reality that they’re gone, and we just have to keep them alive in our hearts and minds.
(2) MOVING ON FROM SOMEONE WHO BECAME YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER
I think people who move on from this kind of heartache would very much take their time. I think it’s because usually for a year or two (or more), or a month or so, these people have gotten used to the presence and care of their ex-lover. So, it usually takes time for small and big wounds from this heartache to heal.
We’ve gotten used to the idea that we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives with them. But it turns out, our fate and destiny compromised us. The expectation we were yearning for didn’t happen. That’s why it takes time to move on from this kind of heartache.
Moving on, again, is about learning and accepting the reality that they’re gone from your life. Though there may be a possible chance that they can still return or have one more shot, most of the time, it doesn’t usually happen. So, we forgive, we forget, and we accept reality. They’ve gone and that they might probably find someone worthier of marrying your ex-lover.
(3) MOVING ON FROM SOMEONE WHO GHOSTED YOU
I have heard a specific line from friends who “try” to comfort their broken-hearted friend: “Why are you going to move on when there’s no reason to?” or I would hear “Move on? There was never a relationship, to begin with.”
I have friends who have told me this, and this is just to start the conversation. They would joke around, but they would listen. To be honest, even if there was no YOU and HIM (or her), it would still hurt. Why? Let me explain. Yes, they never became your significant other but they somehow still became a part of your life.
Imagine having a daily routine, waking up early, eating breakfast, taking a shower. Then you go to work. Work ends. You go home. Imagine doing this every single day until someone just ruins everything. That, someone, destroyed your everyday routine. They broke it by changing it.
You wake up in the morning and wait for a chat or a text saying, “good morning.” You go to work, you see him, you chat with him. Instead of going home early, you would rather do overtime so that you’d be able to go home together. Also, your overtime is surely not paid (OVERTIME THANK YOU). Technically, you’ve gotten used to the new pattern until all of a sudden… HE LEAVES. NO GOODBYES. NO EXPLANATIONS. HE JUST DISAPPEARED.
The pain inflicted there is that he once decided to want to become a part of your life, and then all of a sudden he what? Changed his mind? That, my fellow readers, is the pain inflicted in this type of moving on. The moment you are starting to realize you’re starting to fall for someone, you take the leap, and there he suddenly decides to leave you, falling flat on your face. Breaking apart and falling to pieces.
Moving on from this type of heartache involves time, but for me, not as long as a real break-up. Yes, it would take time because we have to go back to what kind of routine we were doing even way before we’ve met that person. In my experience, I know this is hard because every time you’d try to go back to that routine, you’d feel a little pinch on your chest like something is missing.
Sometimes, a lot of things would make you remember him—even the little things. Then you’ll just be left with the thought, “He used to ride the train with me” or “We used to do this”.
Moving from this heartache is just like moving on from someone who became a significant other. It’s just that there was no commitment involved, no promises. NOTHING, but you sure felt love for this person.
Moving on from this heartache is, again, accepting the fact he left you. Sometimes, it’s better to just leave things unsaid. There may be times you’d feel betrayed because you never got an explanation for him/her to leave you, but sometimes it’s just better that way. At least you should believe what your friends have to say.
YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG.
YOU LOVED WITH YOUR PURE HEART, MIND AND SOUL.
It’s just that you fell for the wrong guy.
Q3: How long does it take?
Now, to answer both questions two (2) and three (3) on moving on We’re all different types of people and we all have different strategies when it comes to moving on. We drink, we party, we binge-watch, we cry, we avoid socializing, and other stuff. But you see, that’s okay. As long as you know you’re doing these things for you to feel better, you’re okay.
Take your time to heal those wounds. It may leave a scar, but it would be a mark to show your experience and what you’ve learned. Moving on is about learning, not forgetting. It’s also about accepting the fact that sometimes love can be really painful when it ends, but it can also be beautiful when it starts to open another chapter for you.
Once a new chapter has opened, you’d know how to handle a new relationship for a better experience.
That’s all for today’s entry!